Conquer Your Comparison Crazies

Let’s be real here. We all have a natural tendency to compare our successes or our lifestyle to someone else’s. “The comparing monster” has been trending, now more than ever, with social media being shoved in our faces all-day-every-day. What we don’t need in our lives is to feel discouraged, competitive, and sad for no actual reason. We also don’t need other people telling us to “just stop comparing” and move on… I think we need more people to educate us on how to stop comparing, how to let go and let God, and how to move forward rather than letting it slow you down.

In the past year that I have been really building and concentrating on my business, I have also experienced a few similar conversations. I’ve talked with small business owners and found that a lot of their emotions get caught up in comparing to other similar businesses. I’ve heard from some of the most successful and inspiring women and even they get caught up in the ‘comparing world’ from time to time. I’ve also had conversations with friends who are in totally different places in their lives who admitted to comparing their life or career to my own. When I hear something like that, it doesn’t make me feel good, and it just doesn’t make sense. The last thing I want to hear from a friend is that they feel the need to compare their own lives to mine. Why?

Because her success is not meant to be your own. We are all doing life on our own time and in our own way! Whatever God has in store for me, was not meant for you. Whatever God has in store for you, for her, for them, was not meant for me. No one situation is the right way or the wrong way to live life.  How can you compare yourself, your success, and your life to someone or something that was not meant to be yours to begin with, and was not on your own time?

Whoever and whatever it is that you feel the need to compare to, it’s time to let that go. It’s time you know how to get past those feelings. It’s time to understand why you should be looking at this as an opportunity to grow and challenge yourself to get exactly where you want to be on your own time. 

I want to let you in on a few tips that help me through the struggle of comparing and what allows me to move on in a positive direction.

  1. Get to the point. Let’s say you come across someone’s instagram and you keep scrolling and scrolling until you just feel bad about yourself. Now get to the root of that feeling and figure out why you’re reacting that way. This forces you point what it is that’s making you compare. Now, what needs to change? Do you need to make a change in yourself and the way you think? Do you need to make a change in your business? Get straight the point, don’t dwell on whatever it is you’re comparing to.
  2. Take it as a challenge. After you’ve figured out exactly what’s making you feel the need to compare, take it as a challenge to keep moving forward, to make your next big move, and to work harder to get what you want. Make this an opportunity to get yourself into gear, change your mindset, and work towards those goals!
  3. Let go and let God. Remember, have a little faith. Maybe you just have faith in yourself, or maybe you have faith in yourself and God. Whichever works for you, don’t forget to trust the power of having faith. You have to remember that you have your own path to follow, not anyone else’s. Try to understand that whatever someone else is accomplishing, was not meant for you. Maybe your time will come, or maybe your path will take an unexpected turn. Whatever happens, is exactly what’s meant to happen for your benefit. So cheer that person on, don’t compare or compete, just let go and move on!
  4. Put it down and get creative. This tip is my favorite way to distract myself and then totally forget I was even feeling the comparison crazies. Stop the scrolling, put down your phone, and get creative! So maybe to you, this means you’re going to put your phone away and go hiking to clear your mind in a peaceful environment! Or maybe this means you need to get creative in your business and start a new project to work towards! I love coming up with new projects to keep me motivated and get my creative juices flowing! This will take your mind off of the comparisons and make you realize there’s no need to feel that way when you are doing things your own way!
  5. Time to reflect. Whether you enjoy meditating, praying, quiet time, taking a walk, or whatever you enjoy, do this to put your mind at ease and reflect on how far you’ve come. Think about everything you have accomplished by now compared to last year or maybe a few year ago. Reflect, be thankful, and be at peace with your own success and your own lifestyle. We are all blessed. If you make the time to do this, you will remember that comparing does nothing but make us feel discouraged, and there is no need to make ourselves feel that way. This is your life, and it’s time you own it!

Be proud of who you are, have faith in where you’re going, and remember you are loved. I’m rooting for you every step of the way, friends! 

XO Remy

Stop Dreaming, Start Living

I work hard…

I mean like really hard. I’ve always had a strong work ethic and I’ll always be that way. I forced myself to be this way a long time ago and now it just comes naturally… it’s a part of who I am. I give my all in everything that I do.

There are those people we all know: the ones who easily succeed in school without having to lift a finger or open a book… and then there are the people who have to try extra hard to make it through… that was me.

Elementary school- I literally couldn’t learn the times tables no matter how many times my teacher jammed it in my head. Middle school- I actually couldn’t comprehend a single thing I was learning. High school- tutors on tutors on tutors. Math, science, history… it was all a nightmare. That left me to English/Writing, Music, and Arts… those were the only subjects I felt confident in. Obviously, I succeeded more in the creative field- where I (happily) am today.

Back then I thought I was a failure, and that I would never get a good job because I felt so stupid. Really? Stupid? That wasn’t true by any means, but that’s how the school systems can make you feel when you aren’t learning at the same pace as the majority of students. I, of course, was blessed with the typical loving parents who always told me how smart I was and how amazing I was doing in school, but I knew, truly, that it wasn’t my strongpoint and I struggled with that.

I wasn’t stupid, and I’m not stupid, I just learn differently. There is nothing wrong with that. Knowing this, I had to work extra hard at everything I did. I was so hard on myself, especially when it came to tests. I would bawl when I came home with a bad grade– not because my parents were upset… they were proud of me because they knew I worked hard — it was because I gave it my all, and I still didn’t see my hard work pay off. Yet, the person beside me could miss class for a week and text through every lecture, and still receive a better grade than me.

Taking the SAT was a nightmare. I took them twice and my scores were terrible, both times. Sadly, I didn’t get to experience the excitement of being accepted into the college of my dreams, like all my friends did. I experienced something way different. I was embarrassed, distraught, and felt totally alone. I had to accept the fact that I had to stay at my childhood home during what was supposed to be my freshman year of college and attend a community college instead. It just wasn’t what I pictured. Most people think of community college as a lesser thing, so I did too. I was in a really dark place and on top of that, I was diagnosed with Still’s Disease after being in the hospital for a week. I was on medication that gave me bad reactions and I was going through a healing process with my body.

My friends were all leaving for college, while I was dealing with illness, depression, anger, and, truly, I didn’t even want to leave the house. As it turned out, staying home and going to community college was honestly the best possible experience for me and it was exactly where I needed to be. I learned so much about myself, about my work ethic, and ways to succeed through college. I was determined to succeed and would not stop until I got accepted into a four year university. After two years of working my butt off at the community college, I was denied by the school I had my heart set on, but I was accepted into two colleges- VCU and ECU. I took a chance and chose East Carolina to study Hospitality and Special Events… thank the Lord I did or else I would have never found my great friends and my amazing husband. It all happens for a reason, friends.

I have never worked harder in my life for the Bachelors Degree that I received from ECU in 2014. Even after transferring from a community college, I only graduated one semester behind. I have never been more proud of myself for getting through college. It is SO rewarding to finally receive a degree knowing all of the stress, tears, and struggles that I went through along the way. I somehow found a path through the biggest challenges, but I believe it had a lot to do with the thousands of prayers I sent to God. I proved to myself that I could succeed, and not just succeed, but do it better than I ever thought I could. ECU gave me the biggest blessings at just the right time in my life.

REM_4033_14

Three years down the road, here I am owning my own business and succeeding more than I ever dreamed I could. I’ve been given the greatest opportunities thus far by working for some of the best people I know. I was given a gracious chance to prove myself and what I had to offer. I have been blessed with incredible experiences in many different areas. I have been inspired, encouraged and taught by amazing women in the creative industry.

This is where I belong. I can feel it and those who know me can see it. I get to use my best skills every day: organizing, planning, creating, coordinating, collaborating, sharing my heart, inspiring others, and working really really hard every day to improve and better myself. I wasn’t meant to remember and talk about history, or understand science, or work with numbers. The schools may not have planned for that, but looking at my life now, I couldn’t have it any other way. All I needed to do was put my best skills and my accelerated work ethic to use and now I truly feel that I can create anything I desire. A lot of people don’t have those skills, and that’s okay because they’re using their strengths to do big things.

I was meant for this field and I will succeed in it.

Here is some advice for anyone who feels they might be a little like me… This is your life, be who you are meant to be. It is your duty to prove your worth- work hard to get where you want to go. Nobody else will do it for you, only you can make it happen. There are so many opportunities out there for you. Some jobs might require a Masters Degree or some employers might look down on community college, but just know this… It only takes one person. It takes ONE person to see the real you, to believe in you, take a chance on you, and trust you. You might get denied a lot and leave you feeling worthless and harsh on yourself, but do NOT give up.

I’m telling you now, there is a place for you and it’s waiting for the right moment. It’s all in your hands. YOU can define your own success, YOU can decide what’s best for you, YOU are in control of your own life… nobody else is. So remember, hard work and dedication will take you anywhere you want to go in life. It’s not about being book smart, it’s about believing you can do anything and making it happen. If you’re trying, you’re improving. If you’re failing, you’re learning. If you’re changing, you’re growing. If you’re seeing all of this and continuing to work hard, you are succeeding. The money isn’t the reward in the end. The rewarding part is whatever is truly important to you. 

Keep dreaming and follow your heart.

First step? Write down your weekly and monthly goals. Stop dreaming it, and start living it. I want you to feel empowered and inspired, because I believe in YOU! If I didn’t have my little support community through school, I would have given up and I wouldn’t have the happiness that I have now. If you need that support, that kick in the butt or a cheerleader, you let me know. I’m here to help and I would LOVE to hear from you. It’s time to hear the encouragement you need to get you on the path you deserve for yourself. This is much more than a career, it’s your happiness and the fulfillment of your life. Discover yourself and be exactly who you are meant to be.

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”                                                                                 – Mother Teresa

 

 

 
XO Remy